There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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