are you still at the devil's house?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
