I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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