I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
