it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
