we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
