when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
