i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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