so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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