I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
