So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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