how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
