i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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