WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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