I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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