Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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