I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
