i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I party with great urgency now.
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