i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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