I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
