That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
