Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
