it's like iHOP with fire
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
