fuck your aforementioned shoe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
