update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's the barista slut.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
