dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
