reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
