dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
