I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
