You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
