what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
