you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
