i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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