and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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