she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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