Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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