I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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