Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
