girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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