i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Is Oprah even human
I supernannyed him into submission
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
