why didn't you poke me back
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
