the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
