My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
