I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
