Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
