I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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