its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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