3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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