Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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