You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
