You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
