the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
