Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There's even glitter on my cock...
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